The Tynan Diaries

2005-10-12T07:00:00.000-07:00

EVERY FUCKING CITY LOOKS THE SAME* paul kelly

2005-10-12T06:59:00.000-07:00

Been in London one week now. Saw a building fall down today. Then went around English countryside. Small English pubs. Oxford I think. We ent driving through tiny backwater dirt roads - with Scott - the driver - being stoned - and then BOOM, this traffic light pops up out of nowhere. Adam was too stoned and the mixture of the LOUD dance music, snow and weird traffic lights meant that he was convinced that Scott was going to turn into a axe weilding psycho and chop us up into veal. St Pauls Cathedral I am most impressed with. We are getting jack of each other and we have a 'shut up' coin. when someone gets the
'shut up coin' they have to shut their cake hole for for five minutes.
DONT EVER EAT FRIED ENGLISH CHICKEN. ever.

2005-10-12T06:58:00.000-07:00

London bridge. whooppdee fucking doo daaaa. This place is a shithole, there are no bins (paranoid about irish bombers) so they dump all their crap on the streets. filthy little arragont bastards.

2005-10-12T06:56:00.000-07:00

So we are getting the fuck out of dodge, Europe. Went and drank in some ritzy snitzy bar in Soho and this little elderley black dude turns on the taps for you expecting a tip! for a tap! So i had to tip Mongo, poor old mongo. Got drunk with Chris in Victoria and told chris him his Girlfriend was stupid and then introduced my stomach to the sidewalk. I should never drink.

2005-10-12T06:55:00.000-07:00

Some of my favourite things: London - Smells bad, expensive. Industrial. no greenery. Monuments. Dirty. Crowded. Drunk. Scott. James. double decker buses. rude people. Fuckhole.

2005-10-12T06:54:00.000-07:00

Finally out of shitohle London and in sunny beach Brighton. I am hungover. I have a terrible terrible hangover and if Adam says one more thing about getting laid Im going to kill the swarmy twat burger. Brighton in the ying yang of London. Its warm (kinda) and clean (sort of) and cooler than London. Kinda a big Salamanca. We drink wine every night, cultured sods that we are, and the guy at the wine shop wants to bugger chris. The guy at the hostel wants to bugger me. his friend wants to bugger adam. the dyke chef wants to bugger chris. Apparentley it might be the gay capital of England. There is a try hard beach which must limit poms making sandcasltes...??? Chris is being a bootkicker. I want to get a tatoo. Chris tried it on with this hot chick last night but no bite so we hate her.

2005-10-12T06:53:00.000-07:00

So Me and Chris got jobs at pubs which called for celebration, a dog on the side of the road calls for celebration as all our celebrations consist of coplus alcohol amounts. So we wake up all hungover and kind of pissed still and I was trying to piss off Adam and Chris by going on about the P and O job and then chris went for it and Adam, reluctantly, agreed. So I turned ap for my first shift - hungover as all fuck, 3 minutes to starting time and in a half pissed way I pointed at them and told them 'I cant work for you' so that was a laugh. Too hungover to work anyway. Dyed my hair blue. got hair dye everywhere. Makes up fgor Sven (hostel worker) taking us to a housewarming party, telling us to take a bottle of wine as a housewarming present then stealing it for himself. dodgey fuck. He has that 'Im not even nice to anyone cause I dont give a shit and I masturbate 421 times a day; thing going on. maybe not the last part...
Max keeps telling me he wants to bugger me, more or less. Chris got together with the scarey dyke chef

2005-10-12T06:50:00.000-07:00

We did not think it could actually happen..... we were in the punk
band concert in London talking about who we would like to see live &
we both agreed that the gunners would be the best option out there and
low and behold 7 weeks later we were at the london superdome..... Oh
my good god. We went with these two girls and Weezer played and then
Axl rose came on to the tune of Welcome to the Jungle wearing his
trademark hat and top (no kilt though) and long orange hair and
jumping like a maniac. It fuuucking rocked ther cas bar/ We ditched
our seats and left to go to the front and formost of the concert. We
were about 10metres from the stage, perfect position. he sang all the
classics and new stuff, even brought out the piano for November rain
so we could all hold our lighters in the air. Was and allways will be
the concert of my life.Pretty funny seeing all these old fuckers with
their ratty guns n roses T-shirts and their bikey chicks hanging of
them.... wish I had a old ratty Gunners T-shirt.

2005-10-12T06:47:00.000-07:00

Sound, sound the clarion, fill the fire
Throughout the sensual world proclaim,
One crowded hour of glorious life
is worth an age without a name

2005-10-12T06:44:00.000-07:00

So much better than that shithole london. Crazy tour guide who knows everything. crazy. Its amazing, whie snow covering all these huge moutains covered in these immense old growth forest with these rivers scattered all over the place. Went to loch ness which

is about 56453 times bigger than I expected and after our swim it is also 343453 times more colder than i would have thought. It made my head hurt and made the warm clad locals laugh. a lot. least I dont beleive in a big underwater slug that has never been seen or heard of mother fucker!

2005-10-12T06:43:00.000-07:00

Isle of sky was amazingly beautiful but lest just say that all of Scotland was amazingly beautiful and be done with it. Everythings so blue.
I wish I was a highland warrior running through the Scottish highlands in a traditional kilt chopping English wherever my broad sword falls. Yes of course its a broadsword

2005-10-12T06:41:00.000-07:00

We were on some deserted town where we waltzed into some youth hostel and low and behold there were fuck all people there, like no one, no staff, no nothing. so We dropped our stuff in some room with no one in it and went for a walk. saw some sheep on a cliff parading as a hill and thought 'we can do that' so up we went. Now im not really afraid of heaights besides this weird urge I get to throw myself of when I get close but when were half way up and Adam had resorted to knees and hands I looked behind me to see a flock of birds and BOOMYA (boomya? what the fuck does 'boomya' mean?) vertigo kicked in and it was hands and knees for Andrew.

The last ten metres or so were actually feet dangling over the side, get me the fuck of this cliff before I die, sort of thing. Well for me anyway! But the view was well worth it, Once again Scotland is amazing looking. Went back and played some Lame strategy game Adam wanted to play and ate some lame food Adam wanted to play. Seeing a trend? Rest of Scotland was booze induced and beautiful.

2005-10-12T06:40:00.000-07:00

Some of my favourite things; Beautiful rivers. beer. mist. Mountains. Snow. Accents. patriotic. bus. loch ness. braveheart. quiet. scotch. backpackers. Hairy cows. dope. relaxed.

2005-10-12T02:26:00.000-07:00

P and O

I am supposed to be washing dishes right now. FUCK WASHING DISHES. Ozzi working spirit and all but fuck this bottom of the foodchain bullshit

'No Andrew, you clean the toilet like this' 'Sorry Andrew but the sheet gets packed like this' 'Oh Andrew can I justify my meaningless position as an accomodation supervisor by barking out stupid commands?' AAAAAAAAGH!

Us looking way too serious on the way too lame boats.

When we first started working for P and O we were told that there was strictly no drinking, STRICTLY no consumption of any alcohol of any type with dire consequences and zero tolerance. So we thought it would be a good detox. It is surprising how many people you can fit into those one man cabins. There are so many scams going on around the boat with the truckies for booze that it is the biggest black market since.... the black market! On one drunken night we were 15 people deep in the one man cabin and all suitably drunk and stoned and I found myself stupidly hungry and somehow in the cafe, which seeing ias it was 4 am was very empty/ I took two of the largest chocolate mud cakes I could find and the cabin devoured them in about 3 minutes. Sooo very very drunk now that I went to get another and find myself with a mud cake facing the security gaurd from opposite ends of the hallway. This is when my brain slipped out and I deciced that by slowly placing the cake on the ground and then running like a maniac in the opposite direction was the best option. In my head the security was like a really stupid dog.. They dragged me out of bed 3 hours later and gave me a warning for this. a warning? fuck me I couldnt give a fuck about a warning. So now I have more enemies than friends on this stupid boat and my head feels like a steamroller dropped on it from 6000 feet and then had spikes driven into my forhead and I couldnt give a fuck.
2 days later. Fuck me, the way this boat is reacting to this you would think I got busted sniffing crack of the captains hat while having a threesome with his wife and the queen.
One week later. Just found out I got the sack for this. HAHAHAHAHAHA.

2005-10-12T02:23:00.001-07:00

REASONS NOT TO GOT BIKE RIDING WITH SCOTT IN LONDON
1. Scott is much more fitter than me
2. Scott stops every 30 minutes for a pint.
3. After 6 pints (who's counting at this point) scott likes to ride through the middle of peak hour london
4. Andrew Doesn't like this

2005-10-12T02:23:00.000-07:00

I copied this from some backpacker diary. It makes me sad. Someone missed the late Dan.
I miss you, I love you
I am stretched on your grave sometimes
I want the sun of old too
But to wander through the forest alone and to

2005-10-12T02:21:00.000-07:00

Got really really stoned staying at some poms dive of a place the other night with Chris and Adam and danced on the edges of the rooftop the other night. It makes my stomach drop to think of it.

2005-10-12T02:17:00.000-07:00

heineken factory. its a beer fun park!....